This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
