nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
