you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
