a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
