Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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