They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
