Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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