Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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