We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize