you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
