I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize