The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
