I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
