I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
