you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
