Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
