Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
