Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
