I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
