So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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