question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
