She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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