dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize