I think i peed on brittanys purse
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
