my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
