i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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