she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
