if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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