why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I understand Curling. That high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
