we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
