it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
