allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
