Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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