you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
