ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
ok first of all what the fuck
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
