and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
