but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
