she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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