All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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