he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize