Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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