Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
