apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
