i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
