you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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