I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
