i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
