Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
