okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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