Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
