I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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