I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize