You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
