Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize