So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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