This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
