When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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