I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
