I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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