So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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