i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
