You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
