i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
