dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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