omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
