is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
