no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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