omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize