My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
