nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
