I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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