i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
