It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize