so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
