even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
