remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
Itβs about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
