I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
