Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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