i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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