I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
