dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm at about main and main street
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
