so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
