I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
