I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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