Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
