): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
