That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
