We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
