the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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