It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
