She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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