ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm really into asian looking animals
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
