He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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