we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
