He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
