I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
