Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
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