I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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