mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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