I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
